The M&M Story

first day of school Originally uploaded by smaynor A little late. First day of school for M and B. First grade, full day. JK, three full days. Rock star brothers.

IMG_4128 Originally uploaded by smaynor Halloween fun. Fire Pit. Turkey Dogs. Costumes. S'mores. Candy. Fellowship.

This past Friday, November 7th, marked the three year anniversary of Brian's Homecoming. And my family is together, happy and healthy. What a testament to my Father, whose promises are faithful and true, and to His perfection and plan for a life that seems chaotic and scary. This year I experienced peace. Deep breathing peace. Yes, I miss Brian, probably always will, but it doesn't ache so intensely anymore. It's restful and quiet, a graceful tugging every now and then on my heart, not an iron grip, squeezing tirelessly. As I reflect on the past three years, I see just how big of a mess I was. To those first months when life felt like Tom's Twister. Focus, breathe, take a step forward, wait I'm dizzy. To the first year, then the second, when reality stampeded over my life, and I did everything to avoid broken bones. To today, the beginnings of the fourth year without my sweet Brian, when I'm hopeful for new beginnings and new endeavors. Life is but a

milky way galaxy Originally uploaded by smaynor One afternoon this fall, M designed his own version of the Milky Way galaxy. What you can't see are Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto. They are in the bottom right part of the patio, just a little too much out of my range for the photo. What surprised me was that he knew all the planets and in order. Love my spatial/visual child.

I'm all about finding grace in every moment of my life. A monumental endeavor for a task-oriented, approval-addicted person such as me. That's why I decided to make it priority. And I just finished _Grace Eventually_ by Anne Lamott and _Sin Boldly: A Field Guide to Grace_ by Cathleen Falsani, two extraordinary reads by two extraordinary women. It took me 27 years to finally grasp any sort of understanding of grace. I distinctly recall driving home in LA traffic - down Veteran Avenue in Century City, when I began weeping. I mean pull-over-to-the-side-of-the-road weeping. Only one other moment like that have I had and that was about cancer and Brian and dying and saying good-bye. Uncontrollable crying. Headache-will-soon-follow crying. Freedom crying. Full of Grace crying. In that beautiful moment did I understand that there was absolutely nothing that would change my standing with Christ, stop trying to do and just begin to be. Of course, that moment so etched in m

Days have flown. Time is disappearing. Deep breath I keep telling myself. School started weeks ago and I have yet to download pictures from my camera of the two snazziest boys I know. Everyone is doing well, though I think they would rather be half day. Both have complained at how looong the day is - oh, honeys, it is only beginning. We've got jobs, allowances, and strict bed times (which I'm currently trying to enforce EVERY night between negotiations). We have soccer practice, homework, and new friends. Ahhhh, elementary school. I used to think it was easier, but I'm not so sure about that - all the kids to filter, work to do, and bosses to manage, sans the mortgage and cost of gas.

The Meme of Fives Game My friends Amy and Deb both tagged me for the Meme of Fives Game. Here goes... How it works: 1. Post the rules of the game at the beginning. 2. Each player answers the questions about themselves. 3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read the player's blog. 4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer. What were you doing five years ago? I was a mother of only one. What are five things on your to-do list for today? 1. make lunch for my little peeps 2. finish Sin Boldly 3. work out 4. finish laundry 5. draft baby video What are five snacks you enjoy? 1. almond butter and pretzels 2. apples 3. trail mix, all sorts 4. energy bars 5. grapes What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire? 1. Take a deep breath and smile once again at God's provision 2. Give to