This past Friday, November 7th, marked the three year anniversary of Brian's Homecoming. And my family is together, happy and healthy. What a testament to my Father, whose promises are faithful and true, and to His perfection and plan for a life that seems chaotic and scary. This year I experienced peace. Deep breathing peace. Yes, I miss Brian, probably always will, but it doesn't ache so intensely anymore. It's restful and quiet, a graceful tugging every now and then on my heart, not an iron grip, squeezing tirelessly. As I reflect on the past three years, I see just how big of a mess I was. To those first months when life felt like Tom's Twister. Focus, breathe, take a step forward, wait I'm dizzy. To the first year, then the second, when reality stampeded over my life, and I did everything to avoid broken bones. To today, the beginnings of the fourth year without my sweet Brian, when I'm hopeful for new beginnings and new endeavors. Life is but a...
Last week I got married. Graciously—for a second time. My first go around donned the dress, the veil, the church, the 300 people. This time it was different. On the beach, with best friends and family. Sand and sea. Barefoot. Champagne brunch on a rooftop. Evening gathering, filled with immeasurable love and laughter. I could not have designed anything more perfect. Even with all its imperfections. As I’ve reflected on that moment of pure grace, I keep dancing around the great biblical notion of privileged suffering. Maybe it’s all those years in Los Angeles when I first learned of the “very important people’ concept—being on the list for On the Rox, getting in the side door with Vince Vaughn or hanging with Prince in the VIP room. Name-dropping. Walking on the red carpet. The Deserved. The Entitled. But what if the deserved didn’t get to be first? Instead, they were last? VIP suffering, maybe? As I’ve traversed life as a widow—one without a partner but never alone...
One day after school not too long ago, our favorite high schooler in the world, Ellie, was hanging out with us. I asked her to take a family picture, much like the one we did last year, so that I could use it for our Christmas greeting. M and B raced to their rooms, rummaged through drawers and such, and emerged quite handsomely in vests and ties. For about a 1/2 hour we posed, made funny faces, irritated each other, even tried to do a couple pictures outside (you can only imagine). Well, this was the very last one we took, and it worked well enough. I love my little family.
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~Matt and Amy