Some Parenting(ish) Thoughts
This is something different for me. I'm not really sure I've ever written about parenting, but....I had some thoughts and, well, here they are.
I have followed and read Howard Gardner's work since the early days of my teaching and parenting career. Gardner is best known for his research and work with the multiple intelligences, a philosophy of thought that has come into mainstream education, most especially with the explosion of tech tools. As a parent, I've often reflected on my learned (and practiced) teaching philosophies and attempted to integrate them into the great calling of raising boys. I'm wonderfully blessed with a creative visual-spatial learner and a vibrant verbal-linguistic learner. Yes, we build and chat and build and chat and build and chat.
In his book 5 Minds for the Future: Cultivating Thinking Skills, Gardner reflects on our new society: “…We must immediately expand our vision beyond standard educational institutions. In our cultures of today – and of tomorrow – parents, peers, and media play roles at least as significant as do authorized teachers and formal schools…if any cliché of recent years ring true, it is the acknowledgment that learning must be lifelong.” Ahhh, the "lifelong learning" cliche. We've heard it, we may have used it, we may have even modeled it. And yes, I would say that education is probably 80 percent parents/peers/media and about 20 percent the institutions.
Not long ago, I was asked (via a teaching application) to answer the following question:
Outstanding, I believe, is rather relative, but I knew where I wanted to go with the question. I drafted my response. And as I read it over, I realized I had processed a much bigger question--what does it mean to be an outstanding parent? In a digitally charged society, of course.
So I share *some* of my thoughts. I substituted teacher/student with parent/child and took out some of the educational jargon. And I threw in some suggestions, especially ones I'm committed to as a mom. Parenting is personal. And every child is unique. Of course, do it your way. But I realize more and more that parenting today is much different than when I was a little girl. It's complicated and overwhelming, yet fantastically exciting.
***
1. Digitally Literate Communicators: Both parent and child need to know how to navigate, read, understand, analyze, evaluate, create and communicate through digital means. It is the way the world operates, no matter what subject is taught or what occupation is being pursued. Being an outstanding parent means engaging with digital tools (more than texting and iTunes) and teaching our children to use those tools effectively. I believe modeling is most essential, especially for the high schooler. Learning to manage projects or content, designing effective messages/ideas, and communicating in an online world are essential skills for our children to know. We should be practicing them, too.
2. Creativity and Innovation: Children need to create. They need to take ideas and flesh them out. They need to take risks (in a controlled environment) and experience failures in order to evaluate process. Outstanding parents should provide an environment that cultivates creativity and innovation.
3. Critical Thinkers: No more straight memorization today---we can look it up. Parents should engage in learning experiences to include ongoing analytical thinking, problem-solving, and inquiry. Beyond that, children need to apply their knowledge in creating or designing or experimenting, leading to evaluative thinking for both process and product.
4. Differentiation: Outstanding parents should be well-versed in different learning styles and strategies, both learned from the experts and from their own children. And outstanding parents make connections with their children. A child wants to be known, and as parents, we need to pay attention. I believe knowing our children--how they learn, what interests them, what is important to them--creates a much more trustworthy and safe learning environment.
5. Ongoing Evaluation (Ed jargon is assessment): For the outstanding parent, evaluation and reflection should be ongoing, all the time.
6. Collaboration: Outstanding parents are collaborators and facilitate collaboration in the their home. An outstanding parent partners when appropriate, seeks ideas from other pioneering parents, and creates learning experiences for their own children to work together and to work in the community.
7. A Visionary: Outstanding parents are visionaries. They will travel to 30,000 feet and see the big picture, and thoughtfully analyze the ever-changing landscape of their family. They will embrace fresh ideas and progressive research, take risks, and thoughtfully evaluate their endeavors to make them even better next time.
8. Affective Instruction: Outstanding parents remember to intentionally meet the affective needs of their children---working with others, ethical reasoning, developing leadership skills, exploring individual gifts, identifying strengths and weaknesses to name a few. These skills are often overlooked, especially when heavy on cognitive skills, yet these are necessary lifelong skills.
***
Today, as I watched my boys huddle over the iPad playing Grammar Zombies (I know, the name is awful, but it is a great app for middle school grammar), I was reminded that they are in training, and I've been gifted with the privilege of training them. Their journey is their own, and I only have them for a little while. I want to use my time well.
I have followed and read Howard Gardner's work since the early days of my teaching and parenting career. Gardner is best known for his research and work with the multiple intelligences, a philosophy of thought that has come into mainstream education, most especially with the explosion of tech tools. As a parent, I've often reflected on my learned (and practiced) teaching philosophies and attempted to integrate them into the great calling of raising boys. I'm wonderfully blessed with a creative visual-spatial learner and a vibrant verbal-linguistic learner. Yes, we build and chat and build and chat and build and chat.
In his book 5 Minds for the Future: Cultivating Thinking Skills, Gardner reflects on our new society: “…We must immediately expand our vision beyond standard educational institutions. In our cultures of today – and of tomorrow – parents, peers, and media play roles at least as significant as do authorized teachers and formal schools…if any cliché of recent years ring true, it is the acknowledgment that learning must be lifelong.” Ahhh, the "lifelong learning" cliche. We've heard it, we may have used it, we may have even modeled it. And yes, I would say that education is probably 80 percent parents/peers/media and about 20 percent the institutions.
Not long ago, I was asked (via a teaching application) to answer the following question:
Describe the skills or attributes you believe are necessary to be an outstanding teacher.
Outstanding, I believe, is rather relative, but I knew where I wanted to go with the question. I drafted my response. And as I read it over, I realized I had processed a much bigger question--what does it mean to be an outstanding parent? In a digitally charged society, of course.
So I share *some* of my thoughts. I substituted teacher/student with parent/child and took out some of the educational jargon. And I threw in some suggestions, especially ones I'm committed to as a mom. Parenting is personal. And every child is unique. Of course, do it your way. But I realize more and more that parenting today is much different than when I was a little girl. It's complicated and overwhelming, yet fantastically exciting.
***
1. Digitally Literate Communicators: Both parent and child need to know how to navigate, read, understand, analyze, evaluate, create and communicate through digital means. It is the way the world operates, no matter what subject is taught or what occupation is being pursued. Being an outstanding parent means engaging with digital tools (more than texting and iTunes) and teaching our children to use those tools effectively. I believe modeling is most essential, especially for the high schooler. Learning to manage projects or content, designing effective messages/ideas, and communicating in an online world are essential skills for our children to know. We should be practicing them, too.
- Thoughts: Use Google Apps for everything house (and homework) related. Create a Prezi. Send thank-you notes via video. Use Pinterest together to pin ideas, activities, recipes, even birthday party lists.
2. Creativity and Innovation: Children need to create. They need to take ideas and flesh them out. They need to take risks (in a controlled environment) and experience failures in order to evaluate process. Outstanding parents should provide an environment that cultivates creativity and innovation.
- Thoughts: Is the play-doh still any good? How about an old piece of furniture purchased at a thrift store and a can of spray paint? Kitchen creations...computer graphic creations...inventions....even a bin of recycled materials could become a creation.....or try Popplet or Pixlr.
3. Critical Thinkers: No more straight memorization today---we can look it up. Parents should engage in learning experiences to include ongoing analytical thinking, problem-solving, and inquiry. Beyond that, children need to apply their knowledge in creating or designing or experimenting, leading to evaluative thinking for both process and product.
- Thoughts: Write and direct a short film. Watch a movie together and talk through the hero's journey. Study an artist together and then make something in the artist style. Together, perform kitchen science experiments, design a garden, or do a webquest on any subject.
4. Differentiation: Outstanding parents should be well-versed in different learning styles and strategies, both learned from the experts and from their own children. And outstanding parents make connections with their children. A child wants to be known, and as parents, we need to pay attention. I believe knowing our children--how they learn, what interests them, what is important to them--creates a much more trustworthy and safe learning environment.
- Thoughts: Watch the way they respond to joyful situations, to difficult situations, to scary situations. Watch how they interact with a crowd, with a new surrounding, or even the way they clean their room. Then do some research. Just Google learning styles and see what you find. What strategies would help them be successful? And as they grow and mature, encourage them to follow their hearts.
- Thoughts: Be honest with yourself. What works? What doesn't? Ask your children their thoughts. I find my children infinitely more insightful than I ever imagined.
6. Collaboration: Outstanding parents are collaborators and facilitate collaboration in the their home. An outstanding parent partners when appropriate, seeks ideas from other pioneering parents, and creates learning experiences for their own children to work together and to work in the community.
- Thoughts: Have your children plan a meal a week. Maybe you do the cooking, but they work with you to plan for the family. Find a way to serve in your community, even right next door. Offer to be an assistant in their creative endeavor.
7. A Visionary: Outstanding parents are visionaries. They will travel to 30,000 feet and see the big picture, and thoughtfully analyze the ever-changing landscape of their family. They will embrace fresh ideas and progressive research, take risks, and thoughtfully evaluate their endeavors to make them even better next time.
- Thoughts: Every child is uniquely made in the image of God, created for purposes only He knows. Take a deep breath and let go of control. They have a Father who loves them more than we do and already has this amazing plan mapped out, filled with joy and sorrow and laughter and tears.
8. Affective Instruction: Outstanding parents remember to intentionally meet the affective needs of their children---working with others, ethical reasoning, developing leadership skills, exploring individual gifts, identifying strengths and weaknesses to name a few. These skills are often overlooked, especially when heavy on cognitive skills, yet these are necessary lifelong skills.
- Thoughts: Ask the harder questions to encourage discussion rather than "how was your day?" Have your children name their strengths and weaknesses. Find books with characters with whom your children can identify. Then discuss. Try leadership at home---leading activities or chores or even choice in service activities in the family.
***
Today, as I watched my boys huddle over the iPad playing Grammar Zombies (I know, the name is awful, but it is a great app for middle school grammar), I was reminded that they are in training, and I've been gifted with the privilege of training them. Their journey is their own, and I only have them for a little while. I want to use my time well.
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