Family Photo Session

One day after school not too long ago, our favorite high schooler in the world, Ellie, was hanging out with us. I asked her to take a family picture, much like the one we did last year, so that I could use it for our Christmas greeting. M and B raced to their rooms, rummaged through drawers and such, and emerged quite handsomely in vests and ties. For about a 1/2 hour we posed, made funny faces, irritated each other, even tried to do a couple pictures outside (you can only imagine). Well, this was the very last one we took, and it worked well enough.

I love my little family.

Christmas Wants

The tree is up, the lights are on, and the Christmas music continuously echos through my cozy home. And two little boys are getting into the spirit of the season. Not long ago, B started singing, much like Mariah Carey - "All I Want For Christmas is You." I think he was singing to his favorite piggy, Squishy.

Funny thing about Christmas, it brings such exacerbated emotion. I've decided most of it is a ploy by the advertisers, but there is always that bit of truth that is thread throughout the commercial deluge of stimuli. I've sort of fallen in love with Amy Grant's song, "I Need a Silent Night." Thinking back so many years ago, I picture a stable, a bed of hay, two teenagers, and bunch of smelly animals. And probably taking place in the summer not the dead of winter. How beautiful it must have been. As I embark on this festive season, I need that silent night, to help me remember why we even have green and red and fudge and presents. Yes, it came upon a midnight clear--how cool is that?

Stitches and 2nd Grade

First, the stitches. About a week ago during one of Max's evening soccer practices, we had quite the event. B fell and bumped the back of his head on the play structure. Lots of bustling parents and plenty of tears later, we arrived at Missouri Baptist Hospital to quickly learn that a few stitches were necessary for my very brave five year old. We spent many a minutes (almost two hours) watching Bugs Bunny/Road Runner, singing songs, and telling stories while we waited for the doctor to perform the procedure. B was brave, brave, brave with only a few tears. Mommy, on the other hand, cried plenty. But there was a popsicle at the end of the evening and lots of snuggles (and piggies) when he got home.

On another note - here is the conversation that ensued this evening:

M: Mom, did you know that I'm 7 and I still sleep with a stuffed animal?
S: Do you think that is good or bad?
M: Well, it's bad. No, I mean, I don't know. What do you think?
S: Did someone say something at school? (oh, no, here we go, i thought)
M: No, it's just that I'm in 2nd grade and I still have Tiger.
S: Well, I love Tiger. We can just leave Tiger at home whenever you go anywhere to spend the night. No one needs to know you still sleep with him unless you want to tell them. (We are not really doing sleepovers except at best friend and family's homes, but I thought I'd throw that out there if it were to happen.)
M: (Thoughtful for a minute) Well, C (one of his best friends) still sleeps with his animals, and C (his other best friend) sleeps with her blanket.
S: See? I think it's good and I think Tiger can stay.
M: Good. I think so, too. (lots of hugs and kisses)

The World According to Max

Tonight we had a rough night. Everyone was tired and basically I waited way too long to do the bedtime routine, mainly because all of us have screen addiction - we are into learning computer games around here as incentives to finish homework.

Okay...so...as Max was in the bath and I was frustrated with several behavior issues, I said to him, "Please stop being sassy - I think you are reading too much of Calvin and Hobbes. (he loves it because there is a tiger - i'm not so fond of the attitude)" His response: "Oh, I was sassy way before reading Calvin and Hobbes."

After baths, I needed to view a video for tomorrow that had Brian in it - Max wanted to watch it. He crawled up next to me, put his hand on my back (and kept it there for the whole video) and said, "It's okay if you get sad Mommy, I'm right here."

Mario Kart

While playing Mario Kart online (with good friends):

M (who is baby luigi): "You better not mess with a baby!"

M and B: "They are kicking our butts!"

Not sure where they learned that one....

I Am a Rock Star

I Am a Rock Star
by M. Maynor

I am a rock star!
Master of the skull.
I believe in God forever and ever and ever.
Not for three or four or five or six days.
I do it every day in my life.

Mother's Day gift

Okay, I know, it's almost the end of July. Better late than never, right?

Well, I'm not a huge Mother's Day fan. But my own mother is and she has trained my boys by teaching them to make cards, to be sweet and do loving things for me on that day. So, it's morning, and of course, I'm up before anyone else, and I'm busy making coffee when I hear Max sort of running down the hall. He's usually not so exuberant in the morning, but I didn't think too much about it. He asked if I had made my coffee yet (now, I was curious - that is never a question I usually get in the morning) - I said I was working on it but it would be a few minutes - heating water, etc. He hovered around me and finally said, "why don't you get my vitamins out?" At this point, it was clear he wanted me to do something specific, so I complied and opened the cabinet to get the vitamins - and out fell a gorgeous homemade card. He beamed. Apparently, in the middle of the night, he got up, hid the card, knowing that I would make coffee in the morning and find it.

He is totally his father's son.

Painting Like Michelangelo

Painting Like Michelangelo
Originally uploaded by smaynor

Briggs and best buddy Luke are preparing to paint Bible stories while on their backs under a table, just like Michelangelo did when he painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel - gotta love Mrs. Burzinski. I need to organize pictures of his art and then I'll post all his work.

Across the Ocean

a quick stop before le pain de quotidien
Originally uploaded by smaynor

I had the privilege of spending a few days in London with one of my roommates from college. She and her family live in Surrey, where life moves a little slower and 4:00 tea abounds. My friend and I traversed the great city, seeing Westminster Abbey, the British Museum, the Portrait Gallery, Portabello Road Flea Market, Parliament, and a host of other glorious sites, one of which was a stop at the communal table--Le Pain de Quotidien. An afternoon at Windsor Castle, a morning at Stonehenge, High Tea in London--I'm amazed at the intricacies of story throughout our fragile world.

Rockin' Out

Rockin' Out
Originally uploaded by smaynor

Sometime in early spring, there was a concert in my living room. Snagged this great shot of the keyboard player.

Back to Birthdays

Going back a few months, both my boys entered odd digits this year. In lieu of birthday parties, each one had a "date" with me--Max to see Cirque Dreams at the Fox and Briggs to the new wing of the Magic House. Max, though he was seven, still wanted to sit on my lap the whole show, his favorite part being the "tiger" acrobats--these ridiculously strong men who climbed up each other (only strength, no props) to be a four person tower. We went with my best friend from high school, Kristen, and her family. At some point, she said to me--"Connor (her 10 year old son) would be in Tim's lap if Tim would let him." Little boys....

Briggs could not have been more excited to explore and learn at the Magic House. Just yesterday, we were invited for a Free Night with our church, and Briggs "explained" everything to Max--I think he will be running the country someday.

More birthday pics to come.

Time to Blog Again

So much to share:

Birthdays
Spring Days
Trips
New Endeavors
Mother's Day surprises
Last of school days

Will do so. Very Soon. Lots of pictures.

Thank you

Thank you for all the prayers for Max. We are not out of this yet - but at the very least, we see some healing and maybe not as many little pox places as before. He's in much better spirits now.

I sometime marvel at God's creation as I look at my two boys - so different and so complex. I've been doing a fair amount of reading on learning styles in order to best support the both of them. As I've discovered, they learn in completely opposite ways.



You can only imagine homework time.

Last week, Briggs brought home two books that he wanted to read and promptly sat on the couch and read them. Max brought home an invention - a water catcher that he'd made out of recycled material during center time - and promptly went outside to try and hook it up.

Briggs invents more homework. Max doodles all over his spelling sheet. I LOVE my little guys!

Please Pray

Please pray for Max. He has a type of pox virus that is wreaking havoc on his immune system. In order to treat it, he is very uncomfortable, and it seems to be leaving little pockmarks, which could be permanent. Please pray that God would heal him completely and that there would be no permanent marks. Thanks.

Our Faithful Father

In the middle of wrapping paper and gifts this Christmas morning:

B: Max, I always want to love you.

M: Well, when you love me, you always knock me down. (as in a hug)

A lovely Christmas celebration this year. I was blessed to see my little boys love on each other and love on others.

And as I've reflected on this season, I'm humbled to see God's redemptive hand in so many corners of my life. Recently, M shared with me some thoughts about Brian, how he missed him and what Brian must look like now that he was in heaven. And then in his quiet, reflective way, he expressed his love and trust and respect for a special friend of ours, a man whom he's known since he was born (and who knew Brian). In his own words: "I think of him like a dad." Rather beautiful and graceful of God, I must say. He's faithful to the big picture of Christmas and to the small picture of each individual child that He calls His own.

Have a very Merry Christmas.

Christmas 08

my little family
Originally uploaded by smaynor

I rarely get a family picture as I tend to be the photographer, but my mom graciously offered and I like this one. Merry Christmas all.

first day of school

first day of school
Originally uploaded by smaynor

A little late.

First day of school for M and B. First grade, full day. JK, three full days. Rock star brothers.

My Scarecrow and Tin Man

IMG_4128
Originally uploaded by smaynor

Halloween fun. Fire Pit. Turkey Dogs. Costumes. S'mores. Candy. Fellowship.

Another Year in Heaven

This past Friday, November 7th, marked the three year anniversary of Brian's Homecoming. And my family is together, happy and healthy. What a testament to my Father, whose promises are faithful and true, and to His perfection and plan for a life that seems chaotic and scary.

This year I experienced peace. Deep breathing peace. Yes, I miss Brian, probably always will, but it doesn't ache so intensely anymore. It's restful and quiet, a graceful tugging every now and then on my heart, not an iron grip, squeezing tirelessly. As I reflect on the past three years, I see just how big of a mess I was. To those first months when life felt like Tom's Twister. Focus, breathe, take a step forward, wait I'm dizzy. To the first year, then the second, when reality stampeded over my life, and I did everything to avoid broken bones. To today, the beginnings of the fourth year without my sweet Brian, when I'm hopeful for new beginnings and new endeavors. Life is but a moment's time in light of eternity. Knowing that in the very fabric of my soul has helped me embrace the pain and joy of the moment, the mercy and grace of the day, and the glorious discomfort and blessings of this earthly life. To know Him more, to feel His presence, to see my heart transformed by His work, may this year unfold in His great plan.

Spatial thinking

milky way galaxy
Originally uploaded by smaynor

One afternoon this fall, M designed his own version of the Milky Way galaxy. What you can't see are Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto. They are in the bottom right part of the patio, just a little too much out of my range for the photo. What surprised me was that he knew all the planets and in order. Love my spatial/visual child.

Grace in Hidden Places

I'm all about finding grace in every moment of my life. A monumental endeavor for a task-oriented, approval-addicted person such as me. That's why I decided to make it priority. And I just finished _Grace Eventually_ by Anne Lamott and _Sin Boldly: A Field Guide to Grace_ by Cathleen Falsani, two extraordinary reads by two extraordinary women.

It took me 27 years to finally grasp any sort of understanding of grace. I distinctly recall driving home in LA traffic - down Veteran Avenue in Century City, when I began weeping. I mean pull-over-to-the-side-of-the-road weeping. Only one other moment like that have I had and that was about cancer and Brian and dying and saying good-bye. Uncontrollable crying. Headache-will-soon-follow crying. Freedom crying. Full of Grace crying. In that beautiful moment did I understand that there was absolutely nothing that would change my standing with Christ, stop trying to do and just begin to be. Of course, that moment so etched in my simple mind has long since been clouded with many moments of doing, but it's still my moment, my glorious gift of revelation from the God who created the universe.

So back to my daily grace. Here's what I've discovered:

1. My house is filled with laughter and voices and inquiry and discovery.
2. God's provision is perfect - never too much, never too little.
3. Grace is an "invitation to be beautiful" in my widowhood - to be loved deeply and passionately by the one who is Love.
4. People are truly broken beauties - glorious image bearers of the Almighty.
5. Little boys are SOOO fun.
6. Just when you think it can never be fixed, it comes together.

The list continues...daily...as I choose to see the glorious grace of the day because really that's all I get - just enough for the day, even just for the moment, and I may miss it. Ahh, hearing music come from M and B's room as they fall into dreamland, knowing they are safe and beautiful. Just for this moment. What a gift.

Time Flies

Days have flown. Time is disappearing. Deep breath I keep telling myself. School started weeks ago and I have yet to download pictures from my camera of the two snazziest boys I know. Everyone is doing well, though I think they would rather be half day. Both have complained at how looong the day is - oh, honeys, it is only beginning. We've got jobs, allowances, and strict bed times (which I'm currently trying to enforce EVERY night between negotiations). We have soccer practice, homework, and new friends. Ahhhh, elementary school. I used to think it was easier, but I'm not so sure about that - all the kids to filter, work to do, and bosses to manage, sans the mortgage and cost of gas.

A Game of Fives

The Meme of Fives Game
My friends Amy and Deb both tagged me for the Meme of Fives Game.
Here goes...

How it works:
1. Post the rules of the game at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read the player's blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer.

What were you doing five years ago?
I was a mother of only one.

What are five things on your to-do list for today?
1. make lunch for my little peeps
2. finish Sin Boldly
3. work out
4. finish laundry
5. draft baby video

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1. almond butter and pretzels
2. apples
3. trail mix, all sorts
4. energy bars
5. grapes

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. Take a deep breath and smile once again at God's provision
2. Give to WCA whatever it needs to finish its new campus
3. Give to CCS whatever it needs to have a rockin' new campus
4. Get my kids educational fund set and ready to go
5. Set up funds at both CCS, KDS and WCA for kids of single moms to have an awesome Christian education

What are five of your bad habits?
1. Fear
2. Laziness
3. Anxiety
4. Saying what I think
5. Multi-tasking

What are five places where you have lived?
1. Barrington, IL
2. Los Angeles, CA
3. St. Louis, MO
4. Wheaton, IL
5. Princeton, NJ

What are five jobs you've had?
1. teacher: elementary school, middle school, and high school
2. aerobics instructor
3. tutor
4. writer/producer/videographer
5. curriculum consultant

Five people I tag:
1. Lisa T.
2. Annette A.
3. Melanie M.
4. Genna P.
5. Lisa A.

Never Let Go

Yesterday as we rode in the car listening to a CD, M pipes up from the back.

M: Hey, Mom. I know what that means.

S: What are you talking about, buddy?

M: The song.

It was the VBS CD. The song currently playing, which I assumed was the one he referenced, was "Never Let Go" If I recall the lyrics correctly, they go something like this - "Never Let Go, never let go, oh, Lord, you never let go. Oh, Lord you never let go, thru the calm and thru the storms. Oh, Lord you never let go of me."

M: The Lord never let go of Luke.

S: (I'm thinking Luke Beachy and trying to guess what in the world he's going to say) Luke who, honey?

M: You know, Luke when he was in the snow storm.

He was, of course, referencing the great hero, Luke Skywalker, in his near death experience on the remote planet of Hoth.

What a little dude. Love that he gets it.

B's New Song

On a swingset, singing to his friend:

"Mommy doesn't have to push me anymore. Mommy doesn't have to push me anymore.

I can pump! I can pump! I can pump!"

Summer's End

Wow. I can't believe how quickly the glory of summer slips into my memory. I have a stack of photos to load of flickr from our summer. VBS, Colorado, trips to the pool, swimming lessons, play dates at the park, lightening bugs, staying up late, ice cream, bike riding, visiting friends. We've had a good one, filled with laughter and activities and experiences. We've discussed God's Word, seen a ghost town, and hiked through the jungles of St. Louis. Now we move to apples, football games, cozy sweaters, and campfires. The beautiful inns of this life.

With school in sight, we've begun to brush up on our math facts and reading and have already purchased new school shoes. M is going to 1st grade and full day! (Deep breath) And B, he's off to JK. Seems like only a moment ago they both had sippy cups and a brand new Piggy and Tiger.

Water Poke

It's been awhile. I'll catch up on our happenings at another time, but a quick note about Briggs. Recently, we went swimming at a friend's house and all of a sudden Briggs comes over to me, in angst, showing me something which looked like a splinter in his hand. He pulled it out and then started wailing. I wasn't sure what was up - splinter in the water? He kept crying, " I have a water poke. I have a water poke." He did calm down, but there was a little spot, small, but a spot resembling a bee sting. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a bee was hovering next to the wall.

Christ is All

A friend recently shared this Puritan prayer with me. I can't get it out of my mind.

Christ Is All

O lover to the uttermost,
May I read the meltings of thy heart to me
in the manger of thy birth,
in the garden of thy agony,
in the cross of thy suffering,
in the tomb of thy resurrection,
in the heaven of thy intercession.
Bold in this thought I defy my adversary,
tread down his temptations,
resist his schemings,
renounce the world,
am valiant for truth.
Deepen in me a sense of my holy relationship to thee,
as spiritual bridegroom,
as Jehovah's fellow,
as sinners' friend.
I think of thy glory and my vileness,
thy majesty and my meanness,
thy beauty and my deformity,
thy purity and my filth,
thy righteousness and my iniquity.
Thou hast loved me everlastingly, unchangeably,
may I love thee as I am loved;
Thou hast given thyself for me,
may I give myself to thee;
Thou hast died for me,
may I live to thee,
in every moment of my time,
in every movement of my mind,
in every pulse of my heart.
May I never dally with the world and its allurements,
but walk by thy side,
listen to thy voice,
be clothed with thy graces,
and adorned with thy righteousness.

Amen.

Melanie Rocks!

I've been praying/looking for a loft/bunk bed system for my boys for over a year. Of course, retail they are almost cost prohibitive, but I've been fairly consistent in checking craigslist. Well, I finally found one - right price, right wood, right size. The whole deal. But, of course, I needed a truck. A couple phone calls and no truck later, my sister-in-law, Melanie, offered to help me. Mind you, this includes all four children because Uncle Peter works on Saturday. Well, I figured it would be an adventure if anything. We hit a couple of garage sales and actually found a couple of treasures, meaning things we would never buy in a store and really don't need, but want. I had emptied out my van, including all my seats, so all the kids piled in Melanie's car and I drove my empty van out to Fenton. No need for endless details, but the bed pieces did all fit in the van, and we made it all the way back to my house with no issues. We sent the children to play and my awesome, awesome sister-in-law helped me set the whole thing up, heavy mattresses (beastly) and all! Thank you, Mel, you are the best! Of course, by the time we were finished it was close to 1:30 and everyone was melting down. But as I write, my two sweet, sweet boys are sleeping peacefully in their new "bed."

And Max, who is growing by leaps and bounds, climbed into the top bunk and said, "Thank you, Mommy, for my new bunk bed." No prompting, no guilt, no nothing. That was worth every sore muscle I will feel in the next 48 hours!

Conversations

While riding in the car:

M: Hey, Briggs, did you know you are my best friend?

B: But I'm your brother.

M: Brothers can be best friends.

B: Okay

Before bed:

B: Mommy, I'm going to love piggies even when I get big.

S: Sure, buddy, of course you can.

B: I'm going to love them when I get old and then go to heaven.

S: Okay.

B: (a lip is quivering) They do have piggies in heaven, don't they?

Cousin LIllian

B: Mommy? Did you know that if you eat an apple seed, you will turn into an apple in 10 weeks?

S: Really, buddy? Where did you learn that?

B: Lillian told me.

S: Well, I'm not sure where Lillian learned that, but I'm fairly sure you will not turn into an apple if you eat an apple seed.

B: Yes, you will. Lillian told me.

The power of a 5 year old.

Kissable Cheeks

Picnic
Originally uploaded by smaynor

Yes, I kiss these cheeks all the time. This past week M had soccer camp at WCA. LOTS of kids, most of them older. When I said good-bye the first day, I leaned down to him and said, "buddy, I have to go now. Can I give you a kiss or just a high five?" I didn't want to embarrass him in front of the sea of children playing soccer. His response? Better than I expected. "Both."

To Say Goodbye On This Side of Glory

This weekend I had the opportunity to visit with amazing old friends from my days at Camp Soaring Hawk and to say goodbye to one my heroes, Heno Head. A name that I've known for most of my life. A man who has inspired, encouraged, and taught so many about the love of Christ. And now it is close to the time when he will go Home, safe and sound into the arms of His Father. The truth is I want to be like Heno Head. I want to persevere despite adversity. I want to know and remember the names of those to whom God calls me to love and minister. I want to serve faithfully all of my days. And I want to deny self in order to see great movement in the Kingdom of God. Not that God gives us everything we "want," but He does give us those beautiful people and beautiful experiences to see and know Him better. Heno was twice beautiful to me. And I'm sure to many, many more.

Fascinating

Love these three
Originally uploaded by smaynor

Trucks and dirt. What else is there?

Surprise

My Birthday with my four little people
Originally uploaded by smaynor

My dear friends surprised me for my big birthday, but not before my niece and nephew showed up with homemade cupcakes and pictures. Apparently, Lillian thought I needed some cake. On her initiative, we all enjoyed delicious cupcakes (with jelly in the middle) for an afternoon snack.

A Couple Cowboys

Birthday Presents from Gran-nan and Aunt Linny
Originally uploaded by smaynor

With much extended family in Texas, I guess it was inevitable that we'd attain a couple cowboy hats.

Lillian

Lillian
Originally uploaded by smaynor

My beautiful niece.

B, M, and G

three cool studs
Originally uploaded by smaynor

Both B and G want to be like M. I often wonder if M realizes the power he has.

Happy Birthday

Cardinals Day and B's 4th birthday
Originally uploaded by smaynor

Just a little late. Briggs on his 4th birthday, which just happened to be Cardinal Day at school.

Cozy

M likes to button the top button on all his polos. I asked him why. "Because it's cozy."

A Little Prayer

B: "Thank you, Jesus, for the universe and for the world. And thank you for the jungles and the oceans. And thank you for our world. And thank you for our houses. And thank you for kitchens and for food we eat. And thank you for stores and the boxes. Amen."

Walk Like A Man

I recently saw Jersey Boys at the Fox Theatre. Wow. An amazing performance. So many songs. I came home and immediately downloaded the greatest hits. Of course, my children have now been introduced to Frankie Valli and "Walk Like A Man." Every time the song comes on, they start marching around singing it. So, so cute.

Seven Things

Several days ago, my dear friend Amy tagged me and now I have to list seven things about myself that maybe nobody would know. Thanks, Amy. I owe you one. The problem I have, though, is that my life is ridiculously predictable, and I'm not sure I have seven interesting, obscure facts about my life. And anything really intriguing isn't something I should post on this blog.

But, I'll give it a try.

1. I have a fear of heights. I like to think I'm brave, but I'm nothing of the sort.

2. I dated/hung out with/whatever you want to call it (for a brief while) the star of _A Christmas Story_. He was all grown-up but still had those glasses.

3. I cry in movies, even the stupid ones like _Ten Things I Hate About You_. It all began when I was three and my parents took me to see _Snoopy, Come Home_. Apparently, I was so wrecked by Snoopy's departure that they had to leave the movie before it was over. I also cry when reading books aloud to my children, even simple ones like _The Library Lion_.

4. I dislike being alone. I find it ironic that I'm now a youngish widow because being married brought so much peace to my angst. I guess God wants me to learn a few things.

5. In college, I used to run (just a couple miles a day). Most evenings, I would run to the Scripture Press building, about a mile or so from campus, and dance in the back parking lot. It was surrounded by trees and I prayed no one was looking. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but it was fabulous for my soul.

6. I don't like driving. I like to be in control so I typically offer to drive, but I really don't like it at all.

7. I rarely finish a book. My attention span is okay, but I get bored very easily. If the book doesn't move fast enough, I typically abandon it for a time and start a new one. Yes, it's a problem because I'm usually in the middle of about ten books.

Okay, there they are. Seven rather uninteresting tidbits that I'm comfortable sending out into cyberspace. I'm not sure who to tag, maybe Lisa A, Melanie, Beth, Amy D, Lisa T, Michelle, Annette. Or really anyone that wants to be tagged :).

At CCS for B's class last fall.

Doctor Visits

Yesterday I took the boys for their yearly check-ups. All is well in the land of boyhood. M smartly sits in the 65th percentile of both height and weight and has good eyes and ears. B is a little more on the lighter side--50 in height and 25 in weight--but has excellent eyes and ears. He cried when he got his shots, and I told him he was so brave. He gasped between sobs, "No, I'm not brave!" I hugged him SO tight and said, "Yes, big boy, you are brave - you got the shots - you did it. That's brave!" He didn't buy it at first, but later in the car, I reminded him of how brave he was. He smiled and said, "Yes, I was."

Fear

I find this whole blog thing fascinating yet absolutely terrifying. When Brian started this years ago, it made sense to me. A writer, a techie of sorts, sure write a blog. The man didn't say much, but he sure could create a symphony (he'd probably say a folk song or two) on paper. Me, I'm more of a comic book type, with bubbles and characters and shallow, incomprehensible thoughts. I'm more of talker, as many of my friends will attest. At first, I was okay with it, write on the blog, for those far away, for those close by, stories of the boys, stories of your faith, anything that came to mind to share. But as the years have moved forward, I find it more and more challenging to really write anything of consequence. Maybe it's the last weeks, as I've faced fear after fear and realized how crippled I really am. Shouldn't I just write of God's glory? Of His beauty? Of His perfection? I recently thought to myself, "if I only read my Bible and prayed as much as I worried about this or that or bustled around trying to be productive, I'd be deeply spiritual and exceptionally peaceful." Instead, I grab the nearest magazine, surf the news, watch my most recent Netflix, or better yet, sleep. Why do I run from the one thing that gives the most to me? I've joked with myself, "you realize you are cursed, Susan" as I've had my engagement ring, video camera, and digital camera taken from my home, had my basement flooded from recent rains, and had my professional expertise questioned (something I've clung to for identity a good portion of my adult life) by those who just simply don't like my presence at their workplace, all in the last year. It's so easy to see the challenges. It's so easy to see the failures. It's so easy to feel sorry for all that I don't have but want. Again, I ask myself, why do I run from the one thing that gives the most to me? Didn't His death on the cross cover it for me? Three years ago, for some reason it did, but as I trudge to glory, I forget. I forget that He loves me. I forget that He cares more for my heart than my circumstances. I forget He fills my soul more than any relationship here on earth. Instead, I stare at the blank screen hoping something witty and intelligent will leap forth and want people to read the blog.

Tonight we had dinner with our new friends, whose daughter Mia just turned 5 in December. She and Briggs are buds. She turned to Briggs and asked if Jesus lived in his heart. He said yes. Pretty simple answer to a loaded question. I think that is what I often "forget." He lives IN my heart, not upstairs or down the street or whenever I think He may be around to hear my pleas. He's there ALL the time, living within me, waiting for me patiently as I run around in circles avoiding His gaze, feeling "cursed." Who had things stolen? Who was mocked? Who was beaten? Oh, yeah. My Savior. The one waiting for me while I feel sorry for myself.

How easy it is to cling to the temporal emotions of fear and self-pity rather than the eternal connection of glory.

My little B

B LOVES Aunt Nealy
Originally uploaded by smaynor

I just love this picture of Briggs. Something about the smile.
And the eyes.

Different Generation

The IPhone Mini-lesson
Originally uploaded by smaynor

We grew up on Star Wars, Atari, and the invention of the cordless phone. Our kids will grow up with HD 3D, the WII, and the IPhone.

More pics up on flickr

I'm not sure who reads this blog...but I did just put up a bunch of new pictures on flickr of birthdays and day trips. And more are coming, so feel free to browse.

LA Aquarium

IMG_2958
Originally uploaded by smaynor

When we went to LA, we took a little trip on our own to the Long Beach Aquarium. It has an amazing Pacific Ocean exhibit, in which we found Nemo in several different tanks.