The M&M Story

My sweet Max is nine years old.  Halfway to 18 when he may pack his bags and head out to find his fortune. To My Eldest: I love the way you look at the world. I love your humor. I love your curiosity. I love your poetic nature. I love your stick fort. I love your collections. I love your creations. I love how you love Tiger. I love your heart. 

Saturday, we went to a Zoo birthday party for our little friend Norah, who turned two years old. Todd had parked by the Muny because it was insanely gorgeous out and the entire city of St. Louis made Forest Park the day's destination. On our way to the car, we passed one of my favorite spots in all of Forest Park, the World's Fair Pavilion. The fountain below, drained of water, made for a great climbing spot. As the boys jumped and leaped and "snow skied" from rock platform to rock platform, Todd and I made our way to the bricks in front. After Brian passed away, I purchased a brick through Forest Park Forever to honor him and his love for making things more beautiful.  Brian had the gift of envisioning brokenness into beauty and was filled with the grace to embrace that process. On his brick is engraved: Brian Maynor Lived and Loved By His Grace After the boys had leaped and jumped to their heart's desire, they made their way down to see Daddy Brian's br

Several weeks ago I spent three days with four beautiful women.  Four strong, independent, brilliant, creative, lovely women. I listened...I absorbed...I breathed their various perspectives and invaluable wisdom on work, motherhood, faith, and family. And I, like Luke to his Obi-Wan, began a journey of...let's say....rediscover. In the last twelve years, I've become a wife, a mother, a widow, and a wife again. All good....all beautiful, even in its challenges. I think maybe as I've entered middle age, I can honestly say I comprehend the great calling of being a wife and mother. Loving, serving, and caring for my husband until he entered the gates of glory taught me the fragility of human life and the acceptance that I am not in control of my universe.  Being a widow taught me how strong I can be and how God made women with great purpose. Finding love again taught me about grace.  The grace to love and be loved. The grace to trust. The grace to belly laugh.  The grace to

As we were looking at lamps in Home Goods, Max said, "Mommy, you are not a fancy kind of girl. You are a normal girl, and I like that." Briggs, as he is telling us his bad dream: "So the bad guy came and took Squishy from me and it was terrible.  Then I put my mind on pause....."  (Oh, how I wish I could put my mind on pause!) After Briggs was diagnosed with strep throat and told to not kiss or get too close to his brother:  "Mommy, when can I go near anyone I love?  It is hard not to get close to you and Max and Daddy." Max to Daddy:  "You look like a real dad."

I've decided it might be time to post the mommy prayers I elicit most days.  And then some nights.  And, well, then some mornings because my prayers are never ceasing.  For survival. Dear God, Thank you for valentines.  Not that I really love Valentine's Day, but I love that my boys love Valentine's Day. Create. Plan. Execute.  What more could a mommy ask for?  Well, maybe a dozen roses....or a night off...or a bottle of my favorite wine...or a pedicure...but really, a create/plan/execute is far more beautiful and keepsakeish than any wine/pedicure/roses. Thank you for little boys. They are just perfect---in their puppy love, playful-wrestle sort of way. They love deeply.  And passionately.  Give me patience...and wisdom as I love these puppies to adulthood.  Or at least until they are able to feed and clothe themselves.  Please give me insight into their characters....into their passions and desires and motivations. May I please have that extrasensory spidey sense th

Okay, so I know I posted a few days ago my base quick bread recipe.  Well, I tried something else, but this is only for banana bread.  I like banana bread, but I'm always looking for ways to make it more interesting--and less fattening.  So this is adapted from The Canyon Ranch Cooks: Preheat oven to 350.  See below for pan prep. 3 small, ripe bananas, mashed--about 1 cup 1/4 cup brewed coffee 1/2 cup brown sugar (could sub regular sugar--i just like how the molasses flavor mixes with the coffee) 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce (i usually blend an apple with a little water--it's easier than stocking applesauce) 2 eggs 1 1/2 cups spelt flour (you can use regular whole wheat, but sub a little bread flour for the rise) 1/4 cup coconut flour (can skip if you don't have it--but use one less egg) 3/4 tsp baking soda 1/4 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp (or more) of allspice 1/2 tsp (or more) of cinnamon splash of almond extract ( if you prefer vanilla, that works, too.) s

In the words of The Beautiful South--"I want my wind-swept, Ingrid Bergman kiss."   No wonder we cheer for Maximus and Frodo and Harry Potter.  For years, I've loved dissecting movies and books, engaging with the hero and his quest as he searches for his elixir. It's good to know it's the way we are designed.   A Sacred Romance In all of our hearts lies a longing for a Sacred Romance. It will not go away in spite of our efforts over the years to anesthetize or ignore its song, or attach it to a single person or endeavor. It is a Romance couched in mystery and set deeply within us. It cannot be categorized into propositional truths or fully known any more than studying the anatomy of a corpse would help us know the person who once inhabited it. Philosophers call this Romance, this heart yearning set within us, the longing for transcendence; the desire to be part of something larger than ourselves, to be part of something out of the ordinary that is good. Transc