The M&M Story

In the middle of wrapping paper and gifts this Christmas morning: B: Max, I always want to love you. M: Well, when you love me, you always knock me down. (as in a hug) A lovely Christmas celebration this year. I was blessed to see my little boys love on each other and love on others. And as I've reflected on this season, I'm humbled to see God's redemptive hand in so many corners of my life. Recently, M shared with me some thoughts about Brian, how he missed him and what Brian must look like now that he was in heaven. And then in his quiet, reflective way, he expressed his love and trust and respect for a special friend of ours, a man whom he's known since he was born (and who knew Brian). In his own words: "I think of him like a dad." Rather beautiful and graceful of God, I must say. He's faithful to the big picture of Christmas and to the small picture of each individual child that He calls His own. Have a very Merry Christmas.

my little family Originally uploaded by smaynor I rarely get a family picture as I tend to be the photographer, but my mom graciously offered and I like this one. Merry Christmas all.

first day of school Originally uploaded by smaynor A little late. First day of school for M and B. First grade, full day. JK, three full days. Rock star brothers.

IMG_4128 Originally uploaded by smaynor Halloween fun. Fire Pit. Turkey Dogs. Costumes. S'mores. Candy. Fellowship.

This past Friday, November 7th, marked the three year anniversary of Brian's Homecoming. And my family is together, happy and healthy. What a testament to my Father, whose promises are faithful and true, and to His perfection and plan for a life that seems chaotic and scary. This year I experienced peace. Deep breathing peace. Yes, I miss Brian, probably always will, but it doesn't ache so intensely anymore. It's restful and quiet, a graceful tugging every now and then on my heart, not an iron grip, squeezing tirelessly. As I reflect on the past three years, I see just how big of a mess I was. To those first months when life felt like Tom's Twister. Focus, breathe, take a step forward, wait I'm dizzy. To the first year, then the second, when reality stampeded over my life, and I did everything to avoid broken bones. To today, the beginnings of the fourth year without my sweet Brian, when I'm hopeful for new beginnings and new endeavors. Life is but a...

milky way galaxy Originally uploaded by smaynor One afternoon this fall, M designed his own version of the Milky Way galaxy. What you can't see are Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto. They are in the bottom right part of the patio, just a little too much out of my range for the photo. What surprised me was that he knew all the planets and in order. Love my spatial/visual child.

I'm all about finding grace in every moment of my life. A monumental endeavor for a task-oriented, approval-addicted person such as me. That's why I decided to make it priority. And I just finished _Grace Eventually_ by Anne Lamott and _Sin Boldly: A Field Guide to Grace_ by Cathleen Falsani, two extraordinary reads by two extraordinary women. It took me 27 years to finally grasp any sort of understanding of grace. I distinctly recall driving home in LA traffic - down Veteran Avenue in Century City, when I began weeping. I mean pull-over-to-the-side-of-the-road weeping. Only one other moment like that have I had and that was about cancer and Brian and dying and saying good-bye. Uncontrollable crying. Headache-will-soon-follow crying. Freedom crying. Full of Grace crying. In that beautiful moment did I understand that there was absolutely nothing that would change my standing with Christ, stop trying to do and just begin to be. Of course, that moment so etched in m...

Days have flown. Time is disappearing. Deep breath I keep telling myself. School started weeks ago and I have yet to download pictures from my camera of the two snazziest boys I know. Everyone is doing well, though I think they would rather be half day. Both have complained at how looong the day is - oh, honeys, it is only beginning. We've got jobs, allowances, and strict bed times (which I'm currently trying to enforce EVERY night between negotiations). We have soccer practice, homework, and new friends. Ahhhh, elementary school. I used to think it was easier, but I'm not so sure about that - all the kids to filter, work to do, and bosses to manage, sans the mortgage and cost of gas.

The Meme of Fives Game My friends Amy and Deb both tagged me for the Meme of Fives Game. Here goes... How it works: 1. Post the rules of the game at the beginning. 2. Each player answers the questions about themselves. 3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read the player's blog. 4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer. What were you doing five years ago? I was a mother of only one. What are five things on your to-do list for today? 1. make lunch for my little peeps 2. finish Sin Boldly 3. work out 4. finish laundry 5. draft baby video What are five snacks you enjoy? 1. almond butter and pretzels 2. apples 3. trail mix, all sorts 4. energy bars 5. grapes What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire? 1. Take a deep breath and smile once again at God's provision 2. Give to...

Yesterday as we rode in the car listening to a CD, M pipes up from the back. M: Hey, Mom. I know what that means. S: What are you talking about, buddy? M: The song. It was the VBS CD. The song currently playing, which I assumed was the one he referenced, was "Never Let Go" If I recall the lyrics correctly, they go something like this - "Never Let Go, never let go, oh, Lord, you never let go. Oh, Lord you never let go, thru the calm and thru the storms. Oh, Lord you never let go of me." M: The Lord never let go of Luke. S: (I'm thinking Luke Beachy and trying to guess what in the world he's going to say) Luke who, honey? M: You know, Luke when he was in the snow storm. He was, of course, referencing the great hero, Luke Skywalker, in his near death experience on the remote planet of Hoth. What a little dude. Love that he gets it.

On a swingset, singing to his friend: "Mommy doesn't have to push me anymore. Mommy doesn't have to push me anymore. I can pump! I can pump! I can pump!"

Wow. I can't believe how quickly the glory of summer slips into my memory. I have a stack of photos to load of flickr from our summer. VBS, Colorado, trips to the pool, swimming lessons, play dates at the park, lightening bugs, staying up late, ice cream, bike riding, visiting friends. We've had a good one, filled with laughter and activities and experiences. We've discussed God's Word, seen a ghost town, and hiked through the jungles of St. Louis. Now we move to apples, football games, cozy sweaters, and campfires. The beautiful inns of this life. With school in sight, we've begun to brush up on our math facts and reading and have already purchased new school shoes. M is going to 1st grade and full day! (Deep breath) And B, he's off to JK. Seems like only a moment ago they both had sippy cups and a brand new Piggy and Tiger.

It's been awhile. I'll catch up on our happenings at another time, but a quick note about Briggs. Recently, we went swimming at a friend's house and all of a sudden Briggs comes over to me, in angst, showing me something which looked like a splinter in his hand. He pulled it out and then started wailing. I wasn't sure what was up - splinter in the water? He kept crying, " I have a water poke. I have a water poke." He did calm down, but there was a little spot, small, but a spot resembling a bee sting. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a bee was hovering next to the wall.

A friend recently shared this Puritan prayer with me. I can't get it out of my mind. Christ Is All O lover to the uttermost, May I read the meltings of thy heart to me in the manger of thy birth, in the garden of thy agony, in the cross of thy suffering, in the tomb of thy resurrection, in the heaven of thy intercession. Bold in this thought I defy my adversary, tread down his temptations, resist his schemings, renounce the world, am valiant for truth. Deepen in me a sense of my holy relationship to thee, as spiritual bridegroom, as Jehovah's fellow, as sinners' friend. I think of thy glory and my vileness, thy majesty and my meanness, thy beauty and my deformity, thy purity and my filth, thy righteousness and my iniquity. Thou hast loved me everlastingly, unchangeably, may I love thee as I am loved; Thou hast given thyself for me, may I give myself to thee; Thou hast died for me, may I live to thee, in every moment of my time, in every movement of my mind, in every pulse...

I've been praying/looking for a loft/bunk bed system for my boys for over a year. Of course, retail they are almost cost prohibitive, but I've been fairly consistent in checking craigslist. Well, I finally found one - right price, right wood, right size. The whole deal. But, of course, I needed a truck. A couple phone calls and no truck later, my sister-in-law, Melanie, offered to help me. Mind you, this includes all four children because Uncle Peter works on Saturday. Well, I figured it would be an adventure if anything. We hit a couple of garage sales and actually found a couple of treasures, meaning things we would never buy in a store and really don't need, but want. I had emptied out my van, including all my seats, so all the kids piled in Melanie's car and I drove my empty van out to Fenton. No need for endless details, but the bed pieces did all fit in the van, and we made it all the way back to my house with no issues. We sent the children to play and...

While riding in the car: M: Hey, Briggs, did you know you are my best friend? B: But I'm your brother. M: Brothers can be best friends. B: Okay Before bed: B: Mommy, I'm going to love piggies even when I get big. S: Sure, buddy, of course you can. B: I'm going to love them when I get old and then go to heaven. S: Okay. B: (a lip is quivering) They do have piggies in heaven, don't they?

B: Mommy? Did you know that if you eat an apple seed, you will turn into an apple in 10 weeks? S: Really, buddy? Where did you learn that? B: Lillian told me. S: Well, I'm not sure where Lillian learned that, but I'm fairly sure you will not turn into an apple if you eat an apple seed. B: Yes, you will. Lillian told me. The power of a 5 year old.

Picnic Originally uploaded by smaynor Yes, I kiss these cheeks all the time. This past week M had soccer camp at WCA. LOTS of kids, most of them older. When I said good-bye the first day, I leaned down to him and said, "buddy, I have to go now. Can I give you a kiss or just a high five?" I didn't want to embarrass him in front of the sea of children playing soccer. His response? Better than I expected. "Both."

This weekend I had the opportunity to visit with amazing old friends from my days at Camp Soaring Hawk and to say goodbye to one my heroes, Heno Head. A name that I've known for most of my life. A man who has inspired, encouraged, and taught so many about the love of Christ. And now it is close to the time when he will go Home, safe and sound into the arms of His Father. The truth is I want to be like Heno Head. I want to persevere despite adversity. I want to know and remember the names of those to whom God calls me to love and minister. I want to serve faithfully all of my days. And I want to deny self in order to see great movement in the Kingdom of God. Not that God gives us everything we "want," but He does give us those beautiful people and beautiful experiences to see and know Him better. Heno was twice beautiful to me. And I'm sure to many, many more.

Love these three Originally uploaded by smaynor Trucks and dirt. What else is there?

My Birthday with my four little people Originally uploaded by smaynor My dear friends surprised me for my big birthday, but not before my niece and nephew showed up with homemade cupcakes and pictures. Apparently, Lillian thought I needed some cake. On her initiative, we all enjoyed delicious cupcakes (with jelly in the middle) for an afternoon snack.

Birthday Presents from Gran-nan and Aunt Linny Originally uploaded by smaynor With much extended family in Texas, I guess it was inevitable that we'd attain a couple cowboy hats.

Lillian Originally uploaded by smaynor My beautiful niece.

three cool studs Originally uploaded by smaynor Both B and G want to be like M. I often wonder if M realizes the power he has.

Cardinals Day and B's 4th birthday Originally uploaded by smaynor Just a little late. Briggs on his 4th birthday, which just happened to be Cardinal Day at school.

M likes to button the top button on all his polos. I asked him why. "Because it's cozy."

B: "Thank you, Jesus, for the universe and for the world. And thank you for the jungles and the oceans. And thank you for our world. And thank you for our houses. And thank you for kitchens and for food we eat. And thank you for stores and the boxes. Amen."

I recently saw Jersey Boys at the Fox Theatre. Wow. An amazing performance. So many songs. I came home and immediately downloaded the greatest hits. Of course, my children have now been introduced to Frankie Valli and "Walk Like A Man." Every time the song comes on, they start marching around singing it. So, so cute.

Several days ago, my dear friend Amy tagged me and now I have to list seven things about myself that maybe nobody would know. Thanks, Amy. I owe you one. The problem I have, though, is that my life is ridiculously predictable, and I'm not sure I have seven interesting, obscure facts about my life. And anything really intriguing isn't something I should post on this blog. But, I'll give it a try. 1. I have a fear of heights. I like to think I'm brave, but I'm nothing of the sort. 2. I dated/hung out with/whatever you want to call it (for a brief while) the star of _A Christmas Story_. He was all grown-up but still had those glasses. 3. I cry in movies, even the stupid ones like _Ten Things I Hate About You_. It all began when I was three and my parents took me to see _Snoopy, Come Home_. Apparently, I was so wrecked by Snoopy's departure that they had to leave the movie before it was over. I also cry when reading books aloud to my children, even simp...

At CCS for B's class last fall.

Yesterday I took the boys for their yearly check-ups. All is well in the land of boyhood. M smartly sits in the 65th percentile of both height and weight and has good eyes and ears. B is a little more on the lighter side--50 in height and 25 in weight--but has excellent eyes and ears. He cried when he got his shots, and I told him he was so brave. He gasped between sobs, "No, I'm not brave!" I hugged him SO tight and said, "Yes, big boy, you are brave - you got the shots - you did it. That's brave!" He didn't buy it at first, but later in the car, I reminded him of how brave he was. He smiled and said, "Yes, I was."

I find this whole blog thing fascinating yet absolutely terrifying. When Brian started this years ago, it made sense to me. A writer, a techie of sorts, sure write a blog. The man didn't say much, but he sure could create a symphony (he'd probably say a folk song or two) on paper. Me, I'm more of a comic book type, with bubbles and characters and shallow, incomprehensible thoughts. I'm more of talker, as many of my friends will attest. At first, I was okay with it, write on the blog, for those far away, for those close by, stories of the boys, stories of your faith, anything that came to mind to share. But as the years have moved forward, I find it more and more challenging to really write anything of consequence. Maybe it's the last weeks, as I've faced fear after fear and realized how crippled I really am. Shouldn't I just write of God's glory? Of His beauty? Of His perfection? I recently thought to myself, "if I only read my Bible an...

B LOVES Aunt Nealy Originally uploaded by smaynor I just love this picture of Briggs. Something about the smile. And the eyes.

The IPhone Mini-lesson Originally uploaded by smaynor We grew up on Star Wars, Atari, and the invention of the cordless phone. Our kids will grow up with HD 3D, the WII, and the IPhone.

I'm not sure who reads this blog...but I did just put up a bunch of new pictures on flickr of birthdays and day trips. And more are coming, so feel free to browse.

IMG_2958 Originally uploaded by smaynor When we went to LA, we took a little trip on our own to the Long Beach Aquarium. It has an amazing Pacific Ocean exhibit, in which we found Nemo in several different tanks.

In the past several days, my eldest has shined in his exhibition of responsibility. 1. Friday morning, Max got dressed, put his shoes on and brushed his teeth without any prompting. 2. Today he did the same thing. This time it was for church. 3. This afternoon his water bottle was in the car and he asked if he could go get it (before bed). He took my keys, opened the car door, got it out, closed the car door, and reset the alarm. And then handed me the keys. He knew what button to push and everything. 4. Last night at dinner, his paper napkin got all wet. We didn't have any more in the basket where we keep them, so he went downstairs to where I store them. I fully expected him to show up with only one. Instead, he brought up a handful, put them in the basket, and brought over a couple to the table to make sure everyone had one. 5. Last week he offered to clean the house.

Happy Birthday Boys Originally uploaded by smaynor Before we went to CA, Nana surprised the boys with treats from Cookies by Design. Piggies and Tigers, well, they are favored around the Maynor home.

Long wait to meet the master Originally uploaded by smaynor We waiting in line for over an hour for three seconds with the man himself. If it weren't Mickey Mouse....

Six Years Old Originally uploaded by smaynor It's hard to believe that six years ago this little man was born. He's the coolest kid on the planet, at least in my book. Max spent his 6th birthday hangin' with his Uncle Stephen at Disneyland. (Aunt Nealy would have been there but the little one in her belly was giving her trouble.) We rode the Jungle Adventure, the Pirate ride, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, a roller coaster in Toon Town (the name escapes me), Finding Nemo, Buzz Lightyear, and several others. We ate ice cream, watched the parade, and picked out treasures in the Buzz Lightyear gift shop. Though it was insanely crowded, I'd do it again tomorrow. Briggs had a blast, too. They both loved the roller coaster and the Buzz Lightyear ride the best.

A phone conversation earlier today while at Nana's: M: Mom, I think I will still be asleep when you get here tomorrow morning. I like to sleep in. His father would be so proud.

M is reading. Simple books and Dr. Suess but reading nonetheless. It seems like it happened overnight. For our all-snuggly-in-Mama"s-bed story time, we just finished reading Winnie the Pooh and have started Little House in the Big Woods. B typically gets bored (though he's reading a few simple words, too) and says, "This is taking too long!" He's still a picture book man for the moment. These longer "chapter books", as M says proudly, don't have enough visual stimulation. All in good time. I'm ready to dig out my boxes of kid lit and find the good stuff to read aloud. Something else. My boys love each other so much. Tonight B got his feelings hurt and M immediately encouraged him. Earlier today, there was a small altercation that ended in beautiful peace. Life is sweet and blessed, even in the quietness of evening.

M: "Mommy, I love you like a circle. It just goes around and around and never ends. That's how much I love you." Yes, I puddle I became.

I Like Snow by Max Maynor (Feb 2008) Snow is like the sun because it sparkles like glitter. It makes me feel like I'm in my bed because it is so soft.

I so love these boys.

The other Maynors had a little Q and A time with their kids, and my sides ached from laughter. I thought I'd do the same my boys. What is your favorite ice cream? B: Rocky Road M; Rocky Road One time I mentioned that RR was one of their dad's favorite ice creams, and it has remained first on everyone's list. What is your favorite thing to do at school? M: Play out at recess B: Play out at recess What is your favorite animal? M: Tiger B: Piggy Not surprising. What do you want to be when you grow up? M: I don't know. B: I know. I want to be a fireman. M: Now, I know what I want to be. I want to be a fireman. Who do you want to marry? M: Kharis B: Reagan Where do you want to live when you grow up? M: California B: California Do you prefer pee or poop? M: Poop B: Poop They thought this was the FUNNIEST question. They giggled and giggled and giggled. What is your favorite color? M: Yellow B: Blue What is your favorite food? M: Pasta B: Chocolate Milk W...

This past week we've had to stick close to home, more like stay in bed. M got the flu/cold/virus that was/is going around - a little (or a lot of) fever, a cough, and a whole lot of aches and pains. I had him on a rigid diet of smoothies (all fruit, no dairy), Esberitox, Mannabears and Glycobears, zinc (he calls them sucky things) and Vitamin C (these are called chewy things). Poor little man. And to top it off, it was his "God made me special" week at school for which he only attended one day. He woke up crying on Tuesday morning saying he had to go to school to draw a picture for the newsletter and to be the line leader and a couple other things that I didn't quite catch between sobs. My heart broke! After hugs and kisses and explanations that I would call his teacher and figure out what we could do at home, I treated him to movies and lemonade (with ginger and echinacea), all snuggly in my bed. Suddenly being the line leader was so last season.

Fall fun Originally uploaded by smaynor

Lately, Max has discovered that words can sound the same but actually be different words. The list is growing. Today he said, "Hey, Mom, can and can are the same words but mean different things. Like when you can do something and like a can you put something in." Tonight, while reading one of our favorites, Animalia , he said, "Hey Mom, bee and B are the same words but mean different things. Like a bee that goes buzz and the letter B." Though he's slow as molasses (like his daddy), he gets excited at his discoveries and rattles them off so quickly, I sometimes have to ask for a repeat.

My Tactile child Originally uploaded by smaynor If M could write in 3D all the time, he'd be on his third novel.

We celebrated Brian's birthday this year with a little bowling and ice cream. Oh, and some tattoos.