One Big Year

A whole year has passed since I said good-bye to Brian and so much has happened. Volumes. It has been a year full of grace and mercy, of brokenness and forgiveness, of sorrow and delight, of pain and healing. I never thought I would be where I am at this moment, breathing easier than I have in months, knowing that my God is good and perfect and everfaithful. I've thought of Brian so much over these last days, remembering his gentle ways, his quiet humor, and his sweet spirit. He taught me so much about love and patience and kindness and goodness. He taught me about perseverance and loyalty. He made sure I didn't take myself too seriously. He listened and loved.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a flat tire. I don't know anything about flat tires. I've had them before, but I would always call my brother, my dad, or my husband. Well, my brother lives in California and my dad and my husband live in Heaven, so none of those men was an option. And, really, I've learned that God was, is and always will be my sole provider. He made everything work that day, including my self-confidence to deal with it on my own, and within 45 minutes, it was fixed, and I had an appointment with Dobbs to get a new tire. But I really missed Brian. I missed how he would have loved on me for being so strong. I miss how he would have laughed at me for making a big deal of how strong I was.

As much as I miss my sweet Brian, I wouldn't trade all the tastes of Heaven I've had these last 18 months. I've seen a man, a beautiful man, face death with grace and strength and confidence. I've seen people, moved by the the Holy Spirit, care for a widow and her boys. I've seen children inquire about Heaven and chat freely and happily about the place we will all someday live. I've seen God work in the heart of a widow as she faced challenge after challenge in her new life as a single parent. I've seen God reveal Himself as the provider for all His children's needs. And I've seen God's glory spread all over the place as His children take steps of faith in this human life.

I'm so thankful for my two little boys. Briggs would argue and say, "no, big boy." They are beautiful and creative, and I've seen God be so faithful to them as their Father. This year has been one that has forever changed all of us, and for that I'm very thankful.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Amen. Amen.
12:03 PM
Anonymous said…
This past Friday night, I found myself giving an introduction to Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream before narrating parts of Mendelssohn's Midsummer Night's Dream--played by our college's orchestra and sung by our women's chorale. Maynor has been much on my mind (as he has, no doubt, been on all of yours--and especially at this time of year), and it was difficult to get through the closing speech. Part of that was that I expected 500 people and 1,200 showed up; but most of it was that I can't read "If we shadows have offended" without hearing Maynor's voice. I can't teach MND or Measure for Measure without having Maynor drift by as Puck or Lucio (depending on the play). The paradox of joy in grief is something that it's very hard to get my mind around . . . but I can get my heart around it somewhat.

Thanks for all your thoughts and words, S!

kj
7:03 AM
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