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Once Upon a November

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Today is November 7, a day that will always represent one of the most defining moments in my family's life. Fourteen years in Heaven. It was roughly 1:15 in the afternoon when Brian gave his last breath on Earth. It was a Monday, and that afternoon and for many years to come, I found myself begging and praying to God:  Please don’t let anything happen to me. I need to be healthy, strong, and alive for my boys, at least until they live on their own. Please, please, please don’t let me get sick.  As I reflect on that time, I know how traumatized I was, allowing my fear to own me. At some point, the feeling and prayers became less frantic because I learned to tuck the fear away. I guess I had hoped it would just disappear.  This year, as most of you know, has been a journey for my whole family. We have worked together to face challenges, and, yes, we have all grown. But the fear that I so carefully stuffed into the deepest part of my heart? Well, it never did disappear and has been i
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Add to the Beauty

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In any crisis, we may ask, "Why?" As rational humans, we crave the why because it helps make sense of our world, the reasons, even the chance to possibly predict the outcome and to maintain control of the crisis. And though I don't have any definitive answers, what I do have is a reflective experience. For the most part, the why may or may not be answered in this lifetime. However, what I have discovered is the pause to stop in the midst and catapult oneself to 30,000 feet, alleviating the intensity to let God show you a glimpse of what He is doing. There is always a purpose, great purpose, divine purpose. I confidently say that because I see His blessings and hand everywhere. In how my community adds to the beauty of God's story for my life. In rich conversations. In messages. In people's generous hearts as they dig deep within themselves and ask, "what can I do to help?" My forever friend Kristen, since we were 15 years old, who has walked with me in
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It Is Well

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It's 2019. Once upon a time, it was 2005. What do these two years have in common? Calorie-free decadent chocolate torte with rich vanilla bean ice cream? Free manis and pedis for all? It doesn't hurt to dream a little. Instead, these two amazing years of God's faithfulness encapsulate the common theme of.....cancer. Last week I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I know, right? I mean, one would think that losing a spouse to terminal cancer with two littles still in diapers would ensure a "Get Out of Cancer Free" card for the rest of this human life. But as I learned many moons ago, God never promises us a comfortable life. He wants our hearts, our trust, our everything. And His promises are true and He is faithful. Always. I'm facing my biggest fear for the first time in 14 years. Since Brian's homecoming, any time I have faced a medical related issue, my blood pressure elevated, my body exploded in hives, and my stomach performed endless back flips. I
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The McMaynor Summer of Reading Plan

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It's time to start blogging again. It has a been crazy, crazy year with summer now upon us, and I'm excited to be with my family. Ice tea and gardening. Family projects and travels. Movies and books. And so many stories already. At some point at the inception of summer break, Max and Todd had an interesting interchange that has evolved into a family summer reading challenge. Max, an avid reader, says to Todd, rather randomly: You know how you say you don't read very much, Dad?  Todd: Um, yes? Max: Well, maybe you should read more. I challenge you to read ten books this summer. If you read ten, I will pay you a reward. Max is so much like Brian! We can lose him for hours, only to find him either with his head buried in an engaging book or in a delicious game of Minecraft. This challenge sparked quite the conversation, and it evolved into all four of us planning to read ten books this summer. In partners (Max-Todd, Briggs-Susan), we decided each will choose five books f
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Summer Swim

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Todd has been in the water since he was four, with summer leagues, winter leagues, high school swim team, even lifeguarding. My boys, on the other hand, prefer playing at the pool in the summer, maybe with a few lessons thrown in the mix. This summer, however, we abandoned our safe little pool play and entered into the world of summer swim team.  Oy. Last spring, Todd accepted a position to be the head coach at a local swim and tennis club , one that his grandparents actually founded. And part of the deal when he decided to do this was that the boys would have to swim on the team for at least one season. We explained to them that many of the swimmers swam year round and all had been on a swim team before. The boys were definitely the newbies. Fine, they said. We'll do it. Early morning practices and lane rope set-ups; 50 free, 50 breast and relays; diving off the block and DQ's---so many new things to learn and new experiences to grow and shape us. All of us. I consider m
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Birthday Surprise

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The past few weeks, I've had the absolute pleasure of editing my son's fifth grade recognition video. We were brand new to this school last year, and it hasn't been the easiest year of our lives. Adjustments, navigating through change, making new friends--it can be taxing, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. We've grieved being away from "home" and our community in St. Louis. We've reminded ourselves over and over again of God's calling on our lives, that He wants us here, and we are to be faithful to His calling. Like Isaac. Like Abraham. Like all those before us who stepped out in faith, even when it didn't make sense to anyone except God. Being the new kid myself at the school, I had no idea who was in charge of what, and somehow, because God truly does know our hearts, the whole video landed right in my lap. As I've edited this week, watching baby pictures morph into school pictures and listening to beautiful songs about dreamin
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Happy 9th, Briggs!

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Dearest B: Your twinkly eyes delight us. Your endless chatter entertains us. Your feisty spirit challenges us. Your artistic hand blesses us. Your compassionate heart encourages us. What a gift you are to us.  We love you like a circle--endless and always.  Mom, Dad, and Max I remember our summers in the sandbox as if they were yesterday.... ....you are growing into a tender warrior.
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