The M&M Story

Today is November 7, a day that will always represent one of the most defining moments in my family's life. Fourteen years in Heaven. It was roughly 1:15 in the afternoon when Brian gave his last breath on Earth. It was a Monday, and that afternoon and for many years to come, I found myself begging and praying to God:  Please don’t let anything happen to me. I need to be healthy, strong, and alive for my boys, at least until they live on their own. Please, please, please don’t let me get sick.  As I reflect on that time, I know how traumatized I was, allowing my fear to own me. At some point, the feeling and prayers became less frantic because I learned to tuck the fear away. I guess I had hoped it would just disappear.  This year, as most of you know, has been a journey for my whole family. We have worked together to face challenges, and, yes, we have all grown. But the fear that I so carefully stuffed into the deepest part of my heart? Well, it never did disappear and has been i

Todd has been in the water since he was four, with summer leagues, winter leagues, high school swim team, even lifeguarding. My boys, on the other hand, prefer playing at the pool in the summer, maybe with a few lessons thrown in the mix. This summer, however, we abandoned our safe little pool play and entered into the world of summer swim team.  Oy. Last spring, Todd accepted a position to be the head coach at a local swim and tennis club , one that his grandparents actually founded. And part of the deal when he decided to do this was that the boys would have to swim on the team for at least one season. We explained to them that many of the swimmers swam year round and all had been on a swim team before. The boys were definitely the newbies. Fine, they said. We'll do it. Early morning practices and lane rope set-ups; 50 free, 50 breast and relays; diving off the block and DQ's---so many new things to learn and new experiences to grow and shape us. All of us. I consider m

March Madness St. Patrick's Day The Ides of March Boston Massacre Lent Daylight Savings Time Happy Birthday, Dr. Suess! First Walk in Space There are numerous events in history that have been labeled important enough to appear on calendars. We look forward to them, we anticipate them, we even plan months in advance for them. March certainly has its share, filled with basketball games, green beer, and sometimes Easter egg hunts. For me, March has never been an easy month. I often approach it with trepidation, bracing myself for something awful, like having to walk on a bridge of glass or be a middle school student once again. Most of my fear is rooted in loss and grief and sadness. A little more than a decade ago, my father passed away unexpectedly on a chilly afternoon in early March. I still fiercely miss him. My first husband was unexpectedly diagnosed with terminal cancer just weeks after our 10 month old was baptized. I still remember reeling from

I've watched this a bunch of times. I've shown it to my students in class. I've posted it on Facebook. Clearly, I really, really like it and think it should be on my blog. Permanently. Laura, one of my rock star video students, made this last fall. She wrote it.  She directed it. She edited it. She was 16 at the time. The ballerina is one of her best friends, also one of my students. I think this video teaches how beautiful redemption really is. I hope my boys, as teenagers, will grasp this understanding.