The M&M Story

Last weekend, my sweet cousin got married. She was born when I was 20 years old and I have so many fond memories of her being the adorable, sassy sunshine of the family.  She married her love, they've bought a house together, and she's planning on starting grad school in the spring. All in her first year of marriage. The adventure begins. This reminded me so much of another life I once led--before babies, before cancer, before widowhood, before falling in love again.  My first year of marriage to Brian. What an amazing growing experience. On our first anniversary---the paper anniversary---Brian presented me with the most priceless gift a young wife could want. No, it wasn't a blank check to go on a trip or a shopping spree. Or blueprints for a new house. Or really anything that resembled something tangible. Instead, it was a beautiful expression of grace penned from his own hand. He had written an article on marriage.  And he had been published in the St. Louis Post-Dispat

Sometimes I think if I breathe too deeply the bottom on my life is going to fall out, and I'll start plummeting down into a dark abyss, much like Alice and her infamous rabbit hole. I only say that because right now, things are good.  Really, really, really good. And I'm not sure how I feel about that or even how to respond. Recently, we found out we were moving to a new place, like in a new city that is not St. Louis. I think it sent a rippling shock through my extended community, as I'm sure most people thought I'd never leave where I was. Too much here, roots running deep, family, a legacy to leave. But. This means a new start for my little family. An amazing job for my husband. A new house for me (no rehab, at least this time). A new community where there are no expectations of who we were in our past life....the widow, the little boys who lost their dad, a Hauser (my family name that runs through the roots of the Christian community in St. Louis). A commu