The M&M Story

Today is November 7, a day that will always represent one of the most defining moments in my family's life. Fourteen years in Heaven. It was roughly 1:15 in the afternoon when Brian gave his last breath on Earth. It was a Monday, and that afternoon and for many years to come, I found myself begging and praying to God:  Please don’t let anything happen to me. I need to be healthy, strong, and alive for my boys, at least until they live on their own. Please, please, please don’t let me get sick.  As I reflect on that time, I know how traumatized I was, allowing my fear to own me. At some point, the feeling and prayers became less frantic because I learned to tuck the fear away. I guess I had hoped it would just disappear.  This year, as most of you know, has been a journey for my whole family. We have worked together to face challenges, and, yes, we have all grown. But the fear that I so carefully stuffed into the deepest part of my heart? Well, it never did disappear and has been i

Yes, I'm thankful. For my Savior. For my husband. For my children. For my sanity, on most days. For my new (old) mid-century modern sofa and chair. For my friends, both new and for always. For my brother. For TJ's dark chocolate almonds.  And for those moments when I experience His acute presence in my life.  Today, in the crisp light of the morning, a long ago friend from college entered the pearly gates of Heaven. His wife and children and parents, all by his side.   And I'm thankful.  Thankful that today there is a celebration in Heaven.  Thankful that today my sweet friend and her children will experience love from so many.  Thankful that though the days ahead will be filled with sorrow and grief, it will be showered by blessings.   And as I approach this Thanksgiving holiday, I'm thankful for my sufferings. For my teardrops. For my uncomfortable moments. For my grief. It is in those that I often experience His great presence.  And it is in those that